Hank Hill
Yup.

Dale Gribble
Yup.

Boomhauer
Yup.

Bill Dauterive
Did you see on the news where them American soldiers shot that eyetalian reporter on purpose?

Hank Hill
Bill, I'm not gonna stand for that kinda talk about our fine men and women in uniform. That was an accident, pure and simple, and it wasn't the fault of the US Military. The car didn't stop at a checkpoint and them boys did whut they had to do.

Bill Dauterive
But Chris Matthews said the eyetalian reporter said the guys that that kidnapped her said the Americans didn't want her to get out alive. Why would he say she said they said that?

Dale Gribble
It's a conspiracy! I told you before, this all goes back to Bush bein' a member of Skull and Bones.

Hank Hill
Damnit Dale! Dubya is a Texan, and there are three things I can't abide by - people speakin' ill of the president of the United States, people speakin' ill of Texans, and people speakin' ill of propane and propane accessories.

Bill Dauterive
I thought you didn't like people talkin' ill 'bout the military, either.

Hank Hill
All right, make that four things I can't abide by.

Dale Gribble
I still say the Illuminati are involved in this somehow.

[Bobby Hill rides up on his bicycle]

Bobby Hill
What's a loomamotti?

Hank Hill
Never mind, Bobby, that's just some moonbat crap Dale picked up on one o' them left-wing blogs he's been hangin' out on.

Dale Gribble
I'll have you know I'm almost up to 1,000 posts. I'm like Kryptonite for the stupid.

Hank Hill
Yeah, well you got the stupid part right. And I tell you whut, you ever call Dick Cheney a nazi again and I'll kick yer ass.

Bill Dauterive
But what about what Chris Matthews said? Ain't he a respected member of the media?

Hank Hill
Bill, bein' a member of the media don't necessarily mean you're respected.

Dale Gribble
Yeah, look at Dan Rather.

Boomhauer
Yeah, man, talkin' bout ol' Dan Rather makin' up shit 'bout the president usin' dang ol' phony documents, tryin' to say they ain't phony, talkin' bout people missin' the real story, dang ol' Walter Cronkite even said he was fulla crap.

Bill Dauterive
But Chris Matthews is on the news, don't that count for somethin'?

Hank Hill
He's not on the news, Bill, he's on MSNBC. There's a big difference.

Bill Dauterive
Whut's the difference?

Hank Hill
Well, let's use a propane accessory analogy here. Dale, what model barbecue grill do you own?

Dale Gribble
How should I know model my damned barbecue is?

Hank Hill
I'll tell you what it is, it's the 18-inch Smokey Joe charcoal grill. You're lucky if you can cook 3 or 4 wieners on that thing at once without it breakin'. Now, I'm the proud owner of the 52-inch Texas Turbo stainless steel propane grill. I can cook up 6 steaks, 12 burgers, 10 wieners and 24 buns all at one time.

Dale Gribble
Whut's yer point?

Hank Hill
My point is that MSNBC is to news what the Smokey Joe is to barbecue grills, and Chris Matthews is just one o' their wieners.

Boomhauer
Yeah, I tell you whut, man, that dang ol' Chris Matthews talkin bout Hardball up there spittin' in people's faces always talkin bout the dang ol Peace Corps, talkin bout say it don't spray it, man.

Dang ol' slobber comin' out the side o' his mouth.

Bobby Hill
I'm hungry, Dad. Can we make some wieners?

Hank Hill
Not now, son. We're talkin' about a reporter that got herself shot over in I-Rack.

Bobby Hill
I heard about that. The kids at school said she was drivin' too fast and wouldn't stop at the checkstand, so they had to shoot at her truck.

Bill Dauterive
I heard somebody said she said she was drivin' real slow and they shot at her for no reason, but I heard it was a car.

Bobby Hill
Why would she say two different things?

Boomhauer
Yeah, I tell you what man, that dang ol' commie reporter makin' up shit talkin' bout the US military, ain't nothin' but a dang' ol' commie, writin' fer that il manifesto commie rag.

Hank Hill
Boomhauer's right, the woman's not just a liar, she's a communist, and she's been against the war from the start. If you ask me, she faked her own kidnappin'.

Bill Dauterive
Why would she do a thing like that, Hank?

Hank Hill
Cause she's one o' them commie anti-war people, and all the lies she was printin' wasn't doin' her no good, so she pretended she was kidnapped by terrorists...

Bill Dauterive
Don't you mean insurgents, Hank?

Hank Hill
No, Bill, I mean terrorists. See, I believe in callin' a spade a spade. Anyway, I think she cooked up this phony kidnappin' story with some of her commie friends, sayin' they was gonna kill her if the eye-talian government didn't pull all their troops outta I-Rack and all.

Boomhauer
Yeah, man, talkin' bout that dang ol' eyetalian reporter makin up a bunch o' BS bout bein' kidnapped thinkin' people wuz gonna give a rat's ass about her, thinks she's dang ol' Katie Couric or somethin'. Dang ol' eye-talian troops ain't no wussies, man.

Dale Gribble
A conspiracy theory - I like that.

Hank Hill
It ain't exactly your kinda conspiracy, Dale. See, the lefties are the ones to blame fer this whole deal.

Dale Gribble
That's all right, I been thinkin' of switchin' sides. Whut with everything that's hapennin' in I-Rack and Lebanon and all, things ain't goin' too well for our side - I mean their side.

Hank Hill
Good man, Dale. Whut about the Kryptonite?

Dale Gribble
Aaah, who needs it?

Bobby Hill
Dad, what's kriptumite?